Right?
Well, I love my family, and I did what I had to do to get is a better future.
I loved Club Legends - there is no argument there - and far away now, looking in from without, I see them collapsing, the patrons out of hand, an the team has all but given up.
When I got here, my new boss said he understood I was making an enormous sacrifice just coming here. There is no doubt about that, but beyond the measure of a man who has chosen a very lonely isolation, and alienation with the hopes for a better future for his family, I did essentially sacrifice everything I built at Club Legends. My security team is weary now - and - they're no longer my security team. There has been fight, after fight, and conflict has begun to wear on people.
I love my old team; I loved my club. I hoped when I left nothing would change for them, but that has not been the case.
I know it's stupid, but I feel selfish, and I feel like I've let then all down for the sake of a gamble. Six months to solidify myself within Vail. I did ten for Lockheed Martin, led a group of ragtags through a bad bereaucracy, poor leaders, manipulative saboteurs, and do-nothing slags who rose the coat tails of their betters - and yes - they were their betters.
So. I miss my family. So much... but Fresno was killing us. It was slowly wounding my marriage as money hemorrhaged from our coffers. Rent, bills, car payments, all depending on money that want there, luck that was running out, and blessings that warned of a darker future if things did not change.
Now, here I am in Kirkwood, security on the mountain, chief guard among the guards who will arrive this November, and there is only one thing on my mind.
Get my family up here. Get them out of Fresno. Get my family together again.
They dropped me off here in very early October. They just left again October 18th. That one day visit was not enough for me; it only drove my will to succeed here on the mountain, and when the time comes continue within the company - even if elsewhere - or work elsewhere in Gardenerville, NV.
Either way, no Fresno. No Clovis. That life is through, God help me.
I am a man, man enough to know when to sacrifice, man enough to know the sorrow such sacrifice entails. I miss my family, but I'd rather work for a possible goal, than sink into a mire pit of loss.
The short term is bleak. I'm practicing my Shito Ryu, and teaching karate for free just to stay in the spirit. I'm depressed, and I have separation anxiety from my wife and kids, but I'm pushing hard, pushing through. Word is we may be all moving up here as soon as February.
This feels like madness, and panic, and fear... but fear comes to successful people who break old boundaries. I will pioneer for my family, and bust my ass doing it best, and better than those around me if I can. I want a future - a real future - for my family and that doesn't exist in Clovis.
For those of you nice enough to read; for those of you who sent support - THANK YOU. You have helped pave the way for my family's future. Forget me - I am secondary - it is they who matter. Their future. Their lives. I will do everything I can to preserve that.
Oka
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